Head, shoulder, knees, and . .

Sebastian has feet! This might not come as news to you, but it did to Sebastian. He has recently discovered them and is enthralled. Every opportunity he gets, the little guy is curling himself over to precariously hover above his little paws. He can't quite reach them yet, but when he does I have no doubt that they'll be going where everything else that he can reach does - in his mouth. Lately he's been sucking on his blankets, collars, sleeves, and any toys that he can get in that general direction.

It's been a week of change for us as a family. Simon is away at work for the week, and for the first time in his whole life, Sebastian and I are not spending our days together. I am back to work too, only part-time, but still feeling all the associated guilt and, I think, even a sort of grief at losing this time in our lives. Already we are growing apart in a way, and from what little I know of mommyhood, this distance will grow and grow.

I miss my little buddy, even after I'm home and holding him in my arms.

Back to the grind

I'm really going to miss these mornings. One week left on maternity leave, and the panic is setting in. I have treasured this time at home, this time with my new little boy, this time to focus on what is truly important. This morning, Sebastian awoke at 6 AM and I brought him into the bed with me. He nursed and then we dozed, side by side, until 7. He woke up chattering away and when I took his swaddle off, he stretched his arms and watched his hands as though in wonder (actually, he was probably literally in wonder, as in 'I wonder what the thing is!') He is always full of smiles in the morning, and coo's at me as though he really is happy to see me. I stretch this time out because it is some of the best time we spend together all day. The process of waking up and going to sleep at night are my favorite moments with Sebastian. Eventually, though, reality catches up and I worry that his diaper will start to leak if I don't change it soon, or start to feel badly for wallowing in bed until 8 o'clock, or remember something that I need to do, and we get up, get dressed, and head downstairs.

My other favorite time with Sebastian is in the evenings when I put him to sleep. We have a routine now that I think is very sweet. I change his diaper and put him into his pajamas. Then we sit in the glider with the lights down dim and the white noise machine on. He nurses and I sing "You Are My Sunshine" to him. When he's done eating, I read "Wynken, Blynken, and Nod" to him and then usually sing some more while we rock. He is still awake, but drowsy and so snuggly. I give him a kiss on his forehead and swaddle him in his crib before giving him his pacifier and tiptoeing out of the room. In those moments, he is all that matters.

And I suppose that is what I will miss the most about maternity leave. The carefree focus on Sebastian. Having my son be all that matters. Of course he will always be the priority, he will always be the most important thing in my life, but he will not be all that matters. There will be papers to grade, lessons to plan, schedules to keep. We will be awake early with lots to do before I leave, and in the evenings I'll be thinking ahead to all that needs to be done between Sebastian's bedtime and my own. I hope I'll still be able to slow down and enjoy these quiet moments that I've come to treasure with him. I'm going to miss these mornings.

Let the good times . . .

Sebastian is like a miniature King Kong, particularly when I hold his hands and prop him on his feet, allowing him to wobble back and forth, looking down past his Buddha belly to the blanket kingdom below. He also swipes at things now with the accuracy of a drunk, and grasps things that are firmly pressed into his palm. Today, he rolled over. This wasn't the first time he accomplished this baby Everest of feats, but it was the first time in quite a while. He first rolled over at 15 days old, and then promptly did it again (see my last post referencing the smartest, strongest, cutest child ever born). Then he rolled over once again, a few weeks later. But since then, Sebastian's gotten a bit chunky. Well, actually, he is downright fat which from what I've learned about babies, is a good thing. It means he's a good eater and growing well. You see, Sebastian was an itty bitty baby. He was born in the 25th percentile for height and weight, though it sure didn't feel that way to me. He didn't want to eat at first. He lost some weight (all babies do, I'm assured). And then . . . he mastered the fine art of breastfeeding. And boy oh boy, has he gained ground. For the first six weeks after leaving the hospital, Sebastian gained a pound a week. By his one month appointment, he was already 9 lbs 12 oz - the 50th percentile! By his two month appointment, he was 12 lbs 14 oz - the 75th percentile! And now at nearly three months, he is over 14 pounds and wearing 6 month clothing. I've got a regular old Paul Bunyon on my hands here! But with all this extra bulk, the little guy had lost his emerging roll-over skills. . . . until today! He's off and rolling! And hopefully this time it's a skill that will last.